Of course I didn’t build this thing myself. My dad did most of the work while he was here to visit. I learned a lot from helping him. I think I could actually build something like this myself now, though not nearly as fast.

It’s a huge, huge blessing for us (pun intended). We were running out of space for books, and we needed a place for movies and games where Isaac (and now Nathan) couldn’t get to them. Plus we’ve got this large space begging to be filled. It’s perfect.

Although I didn’t build it, I did design it.

And here’s a before-and-after look for you.

Whenever this conversation comes up, I start to feel guilty and try to justify the stuff I have. Not all of the justifications are weak excuses. Some of them are quite legitimate. One such justification came up last night. Well, I don’t know if it was a justification, but more a realization that the privileges I have (and most of us have) cannot be gotten rid of quite so easily.

Think about it for a sec. If I gave away everything I had, sold my house, my car, and my computer, and moved to a village, it wouldn’t make me poor. For one, I’d still have money coming in from you guys every month – a lot more than villagers have. But let’s say that even that stops. I have no income and no stuff, for whatever reason. There are still things that I have, that the villagers do not, that I cannot possibly lose or give away. I can use and repair computers. I can do math. I have a certain amount of business sense (not compared to an American business person, but quite enough to handle a basic business in Chiang Mai). I can speak English. Heck, even speaking Thai is something a lot of villagers cannot do.

I told Cindy that even if I lost, or gave away, everything, I’d still be able to walk into Pantip Plaza, go to one of the repair shops and ask if they need another hand. Most shops would probably love to take on someone who could speak English since foreigners are their most lucrative business.

But what if we moved into a village (Cindy asked in response). I couldn’t do anything with computers or even write. I tried to imagine what I would do then. There’s still something in me that wants to create, and while I would spend a lot of time working alongside the villagers, I imagine I’d have time of my own to do what I want. Drawing came to mind. Maybe eventually I’d get good enough that I could sell what I drew, and at that point it would be stupid not to sell what I had down in the city, where once again my ability to speak Thai and English would allow me to sell more than the villagers might be able to. Even if I didn’t want the money for myself, it would actually be cruel of me not to help the village in this way.

So it really comes down to this. Cindy and I sometimes feel guilty about what we have, but we don’t need to. What we need to do is to realize that what we have is a gift from God and to be generous with what we have. I mean, the only reason I speak English is because of where God chose to have me be born. I had nothing to do with it, nor with the fact that English is the language of opportunity for many cultures. But if I keep my skills to myself, and don’t use them to help people (as, for example, Sean and Prang are using their gifts to help with the bags from Prang’s village), then that’s what needs to change.

My point (if I have one) is just that I never realized before that I can’t give up all my privileges even if I wanted to, which puts a whole new spin on the guilt of being rich. Although the rich ruler could have sold everything he had, he still had skills and connections just by virtue of having been rich, and those are to be used for the kingdom like anything else. The goal, like in everything else, is to love people above anything we do for ourselves and to give all that we have for God and His glory.

Here’s what I think. This is from my own theology, and from my own experience dating and consequently marrying a Christian. The cultural prohibition on Christian dating is not a hard and fast rule (I say “cultural prohibition” because it’s a rule that Christian culture has made based on an interpretation of the Biblical prohibition of being “yoked” to unbelievers – the Bible doesn’t say anything about dating).

However, I would say that it is a very good idea to avoid dating non-Christians. Actually before I say that I need to establish that my view on dating is that the whole point is to find someone to marry (if you disagree, or date differently, then what I say next may not apply). Assuming that, it follows that there’s no reason to date someone that you *know* you would have significant problems with down the line. Actually it’s dangerous to because of the human phenomenon of infatuation or “falling in love”. When the infatuation is over, you may wake up to find you have married someone that actually makes you a worse person, instead of a better one.

But it’s very hard to determine what you would have problems with down the line. Many seemingly big problems are actually quite dealable in a fully-committed relationship. Christianity *can* be one of them, but only if both people are fairly soft in their convictions. A person for whom Jesus Christ is the center, and for whom Christlikeness is the overarching goal, would find that life was very hard indeed if they married someone that thought these things were a nice hobby to have, rather than something to devote one’s life to.

Looking back, I now know that if I had dated, or later married, someone for whom Christ was not the center of their life, my life would have been either extremely difficult or would have slowly but surely slipped away from Christ. Cindy’s faith, which is honestly one of the very few things we have in common, drives and encourages me when I’m down. If I had married someone who thought that Christianity was fine for me, but not for her, that person would never, ever understand me. And while one human can never *truly* understand another, Cindy understands me more than any human on Earth precisely because the center of her life is also the center of mine. She encourages me towards the very goal I desire to reach, instead of merely tolerating it.

It’s always hard, but most of these situations are either normal to life even in one’s home country, or they will go away as I learn more. But there’s one I fear will never go away, and I keep coming up against it. I have to suck up my own pride when Thailand gets proud of itself.

The first and lesser part is basic educational propaganda. One of our current textbooks is the same book they use in first grade here, and not surprisingly there’s all sorts of stories about how great Thailand is. I can deal with this. Every country does this, not the least of which is my own. I guess it’s part of what being a country is all about.

The second part that is more difficult for me to swallow is the pride of the Thai people vs. the stereotype of Westerners. It happens in little ways. Having non-spicy food ordered on my behalf like I’m a child. Having someone ask me if I know what this word means, where the word is invariably something every foreigner learns in their first lesson. Having some particular aspect of Thai culture explained to me as if I haven’t been told it, and experienced it, many times in the past 8 months. Or worse, having some aspect of Thai culture explained to me, and then contrasted with a comparable aspect of “Western” culture (as if all western cultures were the same), as another example of how Thai culture is better.

Stay with me on this. I’m telling you this for the same reason I needed to see it. Not so we can all get mad at the arrogant Thai culture (which is a very humble culture, relatively). I needed to see this because this is a speck of dust, which means I’ve got a plank somewhere that I can’t easily see.

For one thing, my reaction to all of this is arrogant in itself. As much as I like to think I’m an expert, I’m still very much learning everything. The fact is, I can’t handle spicy food – not what Thais would call spicy anyway. I just resent having it ordered for me as if I can’t understand them (especially when they think I can’t). With regards to the culture, I’ve only been here 8 months and there are lots of things about Thai culture I don’t know, and even of the things I do know, I don’t often practice them where applicable. So who am I to resent being taught it?

The comparisons of Thai and Western culture are true, even if in a stereotypical sort of way. But the thing about stereotypes is that they are generally based on truth. If farangs are stereotypically loud then it’s because a majority of them actually are – it may not always be true, but it’s true often enough that the burden is on me to prove them wrong.

And as much as I like to pat myself on the back for understanding what people are saying about me, usually I really don’t. Usually I only understand enough to know that they’re probably talking about me, but I have no idea what they’re saying. Way to beat the stereotype there, Adam.

That was the main lesson for me – probably a good lesson for anyone going through this phase of culture shock. There’s a second bit that I thought of, but in the interest of not being preachy I’ll keep it short: the speck/plank analogy applies to nations as well as individuals. Thailand is not the only country that does this sort of thing. In particular, the US is known for this sort of arrogance. Whether or not that reputation can be justified, it might be something to watch out for.

Ray and I both posted about exactly that many months ago. Instead of repeating myself, I’ll just point you in the direction of that old post (especially for those of you who have not read it). In short, my answer is no. Here’s an excerpt:

The pursuit of security is not inherently a Bad Thing (probably).

But the kicker is this: there is no such thing as absolute security. It doesn’t matter how much money one has – the security gained by it is not perfect and it can still fall apart. Even if I have all the money in the world and everybody is my friend and nobody is my enemy and all the guns are on my side (or nobody has any guns, depending on your political preference)… even if I have complete control over my life, I still don’t have complete control over my life!

We tend to think that if we could build the walls around us just a little higher, we wouldn’t need to worry anymore – and ultimately, we wouldn’t need God anymore. But that’s just it: the only real security can be found in God. He created us, He has a purpose for our lives, and He is the only one who has any real control.

]]> http://firewatching.com/itsara/2005/07/the-news-in-london/feed 2 http://firewatching.com/itsara/2005/05/people-oriented-checkers http://firewatching.com/itsara/2005/05/people-oriented-checkers#comments Sat, 21 May 2005 08:23:39 +0000 Adam Heine /?p=120 We started working at Im Jai this week. So far “working” just means “hanging out and playing with the kids”, but that’s cool with us. Hopefully we’ll get to do some more teaching soon. Anyway, I learned something about the culture today that I wanted to share.

First some vocabulary. Most Western cultures, and the United States in particular, are event-oriented. That is, the event is the most important thing. The advantage of this is that things get done in a timely manner. Work gets finished, people go to bed on time, nobody is late for lunch after church, etc. The disadvantage is that personal involvement is not as important and there is a dangerous tendency to value the schedule more than the people involved.

By contrast, Thailand and many other cultures are people-oriented. In other words, the people are the most important thing. The advantage here is that, at least from a Christian perspective, people are always given their proper priority. The disadvantage is that things don’t always start on time – they start when people get there, and therefore things don’t always end on time either.

It’s important to realize that both cultural values have merit and both can be (and often are) taken to an unhealthy extreme. It is arrogant to think that one is objectively better than the other. I say this for me as much as anyone.

Anyway, I’ve realized that this mode of thinking extends beyond mere events. For example, in the markets here there is often a great deal of haggling. This is not because everybody is trying to get the best deal, but it’s because the Thai people like haggling. It focuses on the people involved instead of on the event occuring (i.e. the purchasing of some item). It causes real interaction between the consumer and producer and values the humanity of both.

Today I discovered this applies to the game of Checkers too. And it was a lesson I have needed to learn for some time (I still have a long way to go, too). I was playing Checkers with one of the boys at Im Jai, and he kicked my butt. It was sad. Then we played a second game and he let me win. My initial reaction was annoyance. I hate it when people let me win, and I knew I could beat him with a little practice, but he let me win anyway.

Later, I played a few different boys. I had learned enough in my first two games that I could beat them, and I won the first couple of games easily. Then it occurred to me why the other boy let me won (I guess God told me, because there’s no reason I would have thought of this myself). My event-oriented mind says that winning is the important thing, so I must do everything I can to win. But to the Thai boys, the game was the important thing, and not the outcome.

So I began seeing what I could do to keep the game more even, even if it meant losing sometimes. I discovered a different game-playing experience than I am used to in the States. I didn’t feel bad for losing, I didn’t feel bad for beating them badly, but instead I tried to keep it an even game and we both had fun. The fact that I knew I could beat them at any time helped ease my Western mind, though in reality it was actually harder to play easy on them without making it obvious that that’s what I was doing.

I don’t know if they cared whether or not it was obvious, they could probably tell just like I could, but it was fun trying anyway. I had a lot more fun playing than I did when I was losing badly or winning soundly, and I think they had more fun too. However I still have a long way to go before I can think like this naturally – before I like being people-oriented. I also learned that even though I have a strong tendency to look down on event-oriented thinking, it appears that I cannot escape it in myself without much trouble. Better keep working on that plank-eye, I guess.

So shortly before we left, our good friend Ryan had a word for each of us from God. We have found them all particularly poignant. His word for me was: “Don’t fight.” I’ve been slowly realizing the full extent of what this means. A couple of weeks after we got here, I was directed to these verses which expanded on the word I got from Ryan:

II Timothy 2:24-26
And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel. Instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

I immediately understood that I “must not quarrel” since I had been quarrelling in an attempt to be understood. Instead of arguing to be understood, instead of trying to change the person to what I know will be better for them, the Bible says I must simply “gently instruct”. As my Mom tried to teach me over and over again as a kid (and I resolutely ignored), I need to let them be wrong.

And what does it mean to instruct “in the hope that God will grant them repentance”? It’s the watchman analogy. Imagine a walled city with a watchman on the walls. Just before dawn, he sees an army approaching. If he does nothing and everybody in the city is killed, it is his fault. However, if he wakes up everyone in the city and warns them, and they do nothing and are all killed, it is now their fault – the watchman’s conscience is clean even though the same thing happened. It is not the watchman’s job to argue whether or not there is an army coming. He knows there is an army coming and he must tell everyone. What they do with that information is between them and God.

Of course, the watchman doesn’t want them to die. He hopes that they will listen to the message. He hopes that if they don’t listen, God will grant them repentance – an open ear, the message repeated, or a convicted heart – and they will listen then before it’s too late. He hopes that they will come to their senses in time. But in the end, it is not his responsibility to make sure they do.

I feel like when I know how to fix a problem that all I have to do is tell the person, they will act on it, and the problem will be solved. It’s so frustrating to discover that people do not want to be changed. I’ve discovered it is impossible to change someone by telling them, “You need to do this.” Cindy and I have tried to change each other time and again in our marriage, and it only ends in frustration. We have both changed, but not by the effort of the other person. No amount of being told that I need to do the dishes will make me do the dishes. Instead, the change needs to come from within my own heart – I need to choose to change. If I do the dishes because I am told to, I will be resentful, but if I do them because I choose to it will be out of love for my wife or Jesus or both.

The reason I have never been able to let others be wrong is not because I care about them so much, but because I care about me so much. Their wrong behavior affects me, and when they don’t change it I am forced to live with their choice. When people leave a mess in the family room it means I have to deal with it. What I’m learning is that that attitude is entirely selfish. Instead I need to serve them in love (with no bitterness), gently instruct them in love (with no anger if they disagree), and pray for them. The rest is between them and God, but my conscience will be clean.

And on a more encouraging note, the quote below is what Emmet sent to us after we left. These are really good words, especially for anybody who intends to follow God’s call over and above their own comfort or community. They were encouraging to us:

When I was in Africa I was out on a run and some kids started to run along with me. We were smiling at each other and laughing. Eventually they started to drop off a few at a time until I was on my own again. At that moment God told me something cool. He said that we are each on our own run (I’d like to think that we are each running after God), and on that run we sometimes come along side others and we get to run together for a while. As much fun as it is to run with another person or people, it would be wrong to adjust your pace or change you path in order to stick with them. You have to be at peace with your own run and be grateful for the time that you do get to share a path with others that you like or are like. Adam & Cindy, you have your own path, the same as Sean has his and I have mine. I am so happy that our paths connected up the way that they did and for as long as they did. I hope and have prayed that they would link up again in a deeper way and for a longer time. But if they don’t (aside from visits), it’s good to know that we will always be connected.

It’s strange being in transit like this, but I’ve learned something – from Qui-Gon Jinn, actually – that has given me some comfort: “Focus on the moment. Feel, don’t think.” Right now, looking back holds only longing and regret, while looking forward holds only fear. All I can do right now is focus on this moment and deal with it as it comes.

It’s a good way of handling stress and fear in general. Later, when I am not depressed, I can look back and be filled with joy at what God has done in my life and I can learn from the past. Also, when I am not afraid, I can look to the future to see my goals and dreams and become motivated to move on. But right now, when I miss my home and am afraid of the unknown, I will just deal with this moment.

Emmet also had a really good word for us. I’ll share it with you hopefully the next time I post and I’ll tell you what we think posting will look like now that we’re here. Although everything is in flux, so just like everything in Thailand, the keyword is “flexibility”.

Anyway, right now I have to board a plane.