Itsara

For those of you just tuning in, we’re trying to adopt a 2-year-old blind girl. More information here. There’s no news on the adoption process yet. Honestly, I don’t expect news to come very quickly, but when it does, I’ll be sure to let you know.

Pancake was born just over two years ago. She was born premature and had many complications as a result. She spent the first year and a half of her life on oxygen in the hospital, which is what they believe caused her blindness. This is also why she hardly developed at all until she was 18 months old.

At 18 months, she came to Hope Home, a foster care home for special needs children referred from the local government orphanage. In her first few months there, she had repeat illnesses requiring her to visit the hospital or be on oxygen again. But by the time we met her a couple months ago, the Director said she had been strong and healthy for months.

She’s about the right size for a preemie 2-year-old, but her development is behind. She has recently learned to sit up and still only makes noises rather than speaks.

We’re trying to visit her about once a week while we wait for things to happen with the government. Keep praying. Everything we hear tells us this is going to take a while.

For the last few months, our house has been (relatively) quiet. We only have four kids at the moment: Pan, Lutiya, Nathan, and Isaac. So when we were told about a 2-year-old girl who needed a home, I was totally ready to turn our lives upside-down again, even though we already have two 2-year-olds.

And even though she’s blind.

Yeah, you read that right. True, we don’t know anything about caring for a blind kid, but I figure a parent whose child is born blind doesn’t know anything either. They just figure it out. Just like we figured out how to parent two teenagers from nothing, and teach homeschool, and handle kids with attachment issues, and discipline kids with new, high-powered definitions for the word “defiant”…

The question is not “can we do it?” Of course we can. The question is: does our family have room for temporary extra stress? And we do. Our family is stable (as much as it ever is), and nothing we are doing right now can’t be dropped for the sake of a child who needs our family.

But aren’t you having a baby soon?

Um, yes, in February. For me, that means the question shifts a little to “Can I handle all the kids, including a new one, while Cindy is nursing/resting/recovering?” Obviously I think I can, or we wouldn’t have started the process of adopting this girl.

Adopting? Yes, adopting (and don’t you like how I keep dropping information in bits like that? It’s to see if you’re paying attention). For the first time since we started this, we have an opportunity to adopt one of the children we take in. This has always been our desire — after all, we intend to treat these kids as our own, why wouldn’t we adopt them if we could? This is the first time it can happen.

There’s a problem though. According to Thai law, you’re (usually) not allowed to adopt a child that you have already been fostering. What that means is, unless they make an exception for us, Pancake (that’s her name, did I tell you that yet?) will remain at the children’s home until the adoption process is complete. That could take months or even years.

It’s not terrible, though. For one thing, the children’s home she’s at now is designed to take care of special needs, and can even handle her slow development needs (oh yeah, I forgot to say she spent the first year and a half of her life on oxygen in the hospital — that’s why she’s blind, and that’s why she just learned how to sit up on her 2nd birthday). And, of course, if it does take months it will give us time to adjust to the new Heine baby as well.

So that’s the situation. We just sent the documents today to start the adoption process, so we’ll see how it goes. Pray it moves fast, or if not fast, then at least according to God’s reasoning, which is just as good.

And yes, when she becomes a Heine, she’ll be getting a new name too. Pancake is just… not a good name in America.

An acquaintance of mine named Janet recently passed away, and I just heard the detailed story of how she lived her life in the last few years. It really encouraged me, so I’d like to share it with all of you.

A couple of years ago, Janet told her friend Pam, “God just told me that I’m going to die before I turn 70 (she was 67 at the time). I’ve got a lot to do before then to get ready, like get rid of all my belongings, so can I come and live with you?” Pam wasn’t sure how to take this, and she didn’t quite believe her friend, seeing as to how Janet was in perfect health. From that point, Janet prepared for her death by buying her burial dress, choosing her coffin, and just sharing her joy with others about going to Heaven. She had no sadness about her coming death, only joy.

Then, just a few months ago, Janet’s health started getting worse. Pam took her to see a doctor, who said that Janet was in an advanced stage of cancer and would not likely live more than another 3 months or so. Pam was saddened by this news, but looked at Janet, who was glowing with joy. Janet said, “Isn’t this exciting? I’m going to go home soon!” (meaning Heaven)

Janet’s health got worse and worse in those few months, but her joy never waned. The week she passed away, God told her that she had 3 more days to live. She danced in her hospital room that day. She told her Thai Buddhist doctor that she was going to see her daddy in 3 days. He just smiled and nodded. And on that 3rd day, she passed away.

About 2 weeks after Janet’s death, that same doctor went to Pam’s house (which is pretty surprising in itself that he would go through all that trouble to find her house). He wanted to tell Pam the story about the day Janet died. He said that on the day of her death, he told Janet, “You’ve kept your promise. You’ve made it to the 3rd day. It’s time to go see your daddy now.” He then asked Pam to pray for him, which is amazing!

Anyway, I love this story because I really want to see death from this life as a joyful thing. How wonderful it will be to go to see my Heavenly Father and be with Him forever. Also, it was so lovely how God spoke to Janet and prepared her for her death ahead of time. She said that it was a blessing, because she got to prepare for it. Most people don’t get that opportunity. And it prepared her good friend Pam (and many others) as well. They had discussed death many times in the last few years, and when Janet passed, Pam was ready for it.

I want to be excited about eternal life with my Savior, not dreading it. I hope this encouraged you too!

From The Great Divorce, in which two men living in a sort of Hell or Purgatory discuss the state of the place:

‘It seems the deuce of a town,’ I volunteered, ‘and that’s what I can’t understand. The parts of it that I saw were so empty. Was there once a much larger population?’

‘Not at all,’ said my neighbour. ‘The trouble is that they’re so quarrelsome. As soon as anyone arrives he settles in some street. Before he’s been there twenty-four hours he quarrels with his neighbour. Before the week is over he’s quarrelled so badly that he decides to move. Very likely he finds the next street empty because all the people there have quarrelled with their neighbours — and moved…. It makes no odds. He’s sure to have another quarrel pretty soon and then he’ll move again. Finally he’ll move right out to the edge of the town and build a new house. You see, it’s easy here. You’ve only got to think a house and there it is. That’s how the town keeps on growing.’

‘Leaving more and more empty streets?’

‘That’s right…. The nearest of those old [interesting historical characters] is Napoleon. We know that because two chaps made the journey to see him. They’d started long before I came, of course, but I was there when they came back. About fifteen thousand years of our time it took them. We’ve picked out the house by now. Just a little pin prick of light and nothing else near it for millions of miles.’

Living in community is hard. Really hard. It’s hard enough to be married, share a house, children, money… To make decisions good enough for two people instead of one. It’s harder with more.

The four of us have a unique situation. We each have our own house wherein our word is law (more or less), but we’ve also got this huge, fenceless space between where we have to agree on what’s done. Especially in regards to our kids, who have no boundaries and love to run back and forth between the houses.

Sometimes it comes to a head. Especially for someone like me, who doesn’t like to talk about things. I’d rather work on my own problems, let other people deal with theirs, hope the problems go away with time… But every so often, those little problems grow and fester until they explode in an ugly mess of puss and blood that gets all over everybody.

It happens to me all the time. Heck, I can’t think of a single person I lived with that I didn’t fight with. Every couple of years, I need a reminder that I have to interact with people to love them; I have to communicate to be a brother. I used to think something was wrong with me that I’d always get annoyed with people, but now I know it’s normal. People fight, and when they share space or authority those fights need to be resolved or the relationship needs to end.

We can’t pick up and move like the shadows in Great Divorce, and for that I’m thankful. It forces me to learn how to work with others. God didn’t put us in a world where ending relationships was a viable way to live. He intended us to fill this world, run into problems of shared space, and then work them out.

The other option, which I’m constantly in danger of (I guess we all are), is to end up alone. Maybe not alone physically like Napoleon, but spiritually and emotionally for sure.

‘What was [Napoleon] doing?’

‘Walking up and down — up and down all the time — left-right, left-right — never stopping for a moment. The two chaps watched him for about a year and he never rested. And muttering to himself all the time. “It was Soult’s fault. It was Ney’s fault. It was Josephine’s fault. It was the fault of the Russians. It was the fault of the English.” Like that all the time. Never stopped for a moment. A little, fat man and he looked kind of tired. But he didn’t seem able to stop it.’

6:30 AM: Either Isaac or Nathan — both being in our bed with us — wakes and either (a) cries until we get out of bed, (b) goes to their room to find Mommy, who moved there so she could get some sleep, or (c) puts their face 3 inches from Daddy’s and says, “Daddy, downstairs?” over and over until I get up.

6:45 AM: Lutiya and Pan, being responsible young girls, are ready for school. Pan takes them on the motorbike.

7:30 AM: The boys have calmed down, eaten, had their diapers removed, and/or Abby has come over to play with them. Mommy and Daddy can eat.

8:00 – 10:00 AM: Mommy and Daddy try to accomplish things.

10:00 AM: Mommy leaves to tutor a friend’s children. Daddy stays home and tries, much more difficultly, to accomplish things.

10:30 AM: Daddy gives up on accomplishing things and instead spends time with, or disciplines, the boys as needed.

12:00 PM: Mommy comes home for lunch.

1:00 PM: Daddy leaves to write. Mommy puts the boys down for their nap so she can accomplish things.

1:45 PM: Mommy wakes up from the nap she didn’t mean to take with the boys and gets ready for dance.

2:30 PM: Isaac wakes up.

3:00 PM: Daddy comes downstairs and helps move furniture, sweep, and change the water for Mommy’s dance class.

3:30 PM: Mommy’s dance students arrive. Nathan (finally) wakes up. Daddy attempts to keep one eye on the boys and one on the computer. Daddy fails.

4:30 PM: Mommy’s dance class is over. Lutiya and Pan come home from school.

5:00 – 6:00 PM: Mommy makes dinner. Daddy spends time with one or more of the kids.

6:00 – 7:00 PM: Dinner, then chores.

8:00 PM: Struggle to get Isaac and Nathan into the shower (or, if they go in easily, struggle to get them out).

8:30 PM: Daddy begins the almost-literal song-and-dance show that Isaac and Nathan have come to expect before they sleep. Lutiya and Pan shower.

9:00 PM: Everyone goes to bed (or at least their room). Mommy and Daddy either talk, watch Friends, eat Secret Snacks, or pass out.

11:00 PM: Isaac and Nathan climb into our bed…