Nebulous Rewards
One of the hardest things for me (and Cindy, I think) about this job is how little feedback there is. I am required on a daily basis to do seemingly meaningless tasks like chase Isaac around the house, play cards with Lutiya, ask Pan how her day was, fix bikes, sweep floors, change diapers, manage money, etc, etc. All without any sort of schedule, goal structure, yearly review, or even tangible reward.
What’s difficult is when we start asking “Why?” and “Are we doing enough?” We talk to other missionaries and start to think we should have, like, a ministry with meetings and evangelism and preaching and stuff.
That’s a job I can get my head around. Have so many regular meetings; measure success with attendance, altar call responses, discipleship groups; tell people at home that “We saved X souls this month!” I can understand that. I can measure it and improve.
I have no doubt that what we’re doing is valuable and worthwhile and is exactly what God has called us to do, but it’s hard to remember sometimes when you have to punish someone for the tenth time because they didn’t do their chore again.
I think sometimes I write to help me stay sane. To give me goals and deadlines and measurable progress. To help me feel like I’m accomplishing something.
It’s interesting to note, though, that I didn’t feel this way as much when our house was full, when Sandra and Matt and even Alaypa were here. That, of course, is why we’re praying and looking for more kids. Because whatever we feel about it, this is our job.
Amy Carmichael said there was a Tamil proverb that went:
“Babies tie the mother’s feet”! I guess in this case the father’s too!! There are so many things, mundane things to do in caring for children, you think, why does this matter? Yet, when I sent the four off this week, I know, yes, it does matter, everything matters. You have your own little set of “heathens” that are your mission field!! The Bible says we are to teach them “here a little”, “there a little”, and to teach them when we sit down, when we rise up, when we are walking in the way; all the time we are inputting those spiritual seeds into their little souls. Like Pastor Jon says, we are a spirit being with a body and of course, a soul. Wed. nights he is getting into some deep stuff. Really good. But back to the subject, I HIGHLY recommend you read the book “GOLD CORD”, by Amy Carmichael. I’ve always considered it my “second Bible” as her writings seem so inspired.
And wait until Isaac turns 4! You will get feedback!! There will be a million questions, plus great insight from a 4 yr. old brain, which has not been out of heaven so long that things become complicated! Make sure you wrote down all the things he/they say, as they are priceless, and no matter how much you think you will remember, you don’t. So write, write, write!! Bless you and Cindy! We love you guys so much!
Love & prayers,
BonnieSue
Ahhhh, I know the feeling. I see cabinets being built in my bodega but am I seeing souls ushered into the Kingdom? Or, how many Survival Camps without visible results. We have to look past “earthly” markers and look forward to the ultimate reward – “Well done, My good and faithful servant”.
Adam, I would just like to point out that the ability to do the job in front of oneself without any sort of immediate reward is the exact level of maturity that you’re trying to instill in your kids. So the good news is, it looks like you’re practicing what you preach.
-M
So welcome to the world of parenting. What do you mean save souls? Isn’t that God’s job?
Jean, you are absolutely right that it is God’s job. We plant seeds, Apollos waters and God causes the growth. However, in our goal driven society there is a tendency to need “measures” as to how well we are doing or how people rate our Kingdom Work. “Well done, good and faithful servant” far exceeds any measure that I can think of. How many? That is God;s business.
Adam, welcome to the missionary pressure coocker. Most missionaries have that feeling. So don’t worry. I tell people at the end you are accountable to God and what He put on your heart to do. Not the church and surely not people are to judge you on that. You need to search your own soul on that. :-)
As for saving souls. I totaly agree with Jean.
As for the planting/watering thing. I believe we are constantly doing all of those things. Great are the days when we are allowed to witness someone finding truth/life/and the way (Jesus) on their journey.
Adam if you came here for the reward, for a pat on the shoulder or even for a place on the walk of fame of the christian evangelical church you might have chosen the wrong ministry. But if God put this work on your heart, then I may say that the success lies in being faithful to that.
Music is a good addition to this site.