Itsara

It’s the day after Easter, which reminds me of my last Easter in the States, which reminds me that we’ve been here for about three years now. In Thailand for three years, parents for two, parents of Thai-speakers for one. I forget where I learned it, but I think three years is about the amount of time it takes for one to get used to something – to feel like they know what they’re doing. That’s probably about right. I hope so, because maybe in a year or two I’ll feel like I know what I’m doing in parenting. That’s how it works, right, parents? Hello? Anyone?

In any case, each year has brought its own major changes. The first year was, well, the first year. We moved to a different country, learned a different language, drastically changed many of our closest relationships, and at the end of the year took in our first kid. The second year, we started leaving Im Jai, Sean got married, Matt came to live with us, and we created two new people. Oh yeah, and we moved into a house and bought some land, not knowing exactly why we were doing so at that exact time.

This third year began with serious doubts about what we were doing with our original plan and this big house yet such a small, essentially-American family. But literally two weeks later, we were suddenly a family of eight. Pretty much the whole year since then has been a blur. I remember selling our condo. I understand Cindy and Isaac left me for a time. We are building our own houses. And we’ve learned about a thousand things about parenting, including the repeated difficulties of loving someone whose concept of love may be broken.

Today, Alaypa and Lutiya are in their village for a few days hopefully to get all the paperwork they need for, well, their future. So the house is a little quieter again. This morning, if I can get this post out and make myself work, I hope to get a lot done. In particular, I’m working on Travelers again – hopefully for the last time before I actually, maybe, wishfully try and send this thing out.

STATUS
Still Reading: Ghost Force, Patrick Robinson (and not liking it)
Writing: Travelers, revisions (hopefully for the second to last time)
Last Played: Star Wars Risk and Chess
One of Isaac’s New Tricks: He likes bowling at home with a takraw ball and plastic bowling pins. He claps for himself and says, “Yay!” whenever he knocks them all down (even if he cheated to do it).

The last couple of weeks have been really busy. Cindy played guitar at a conference for some missions organization a couple of weeks ago, and last week I was playing bass for our church’s conference. Meanwhile, Pan, Alaypa, and Lutiya are out of school for their summer, so they’re home most of the time, while simultaneously we need to homeschool Sandra and take Pan out for testing and applying at different colleges.*

Cindy and I have also been attending some seminars regarding raising kids in foster homes or orphanages. Mostly the seminars have been dealing with what happens to a child when they don’t receive the love they need as an infant and toddler. Essentially, a child who isn’t loved right will have significant problems relating to anyone – either receiving or giving love – as they grow older. This can often result in attachment disorder or oppositional defiance, both of which we have seen in some of our kids.

Some of our kids have attached, or begun to attach, to us, which is extremely encouraging. Others want to attach sometimes, but have an extremely hard time doing so. And there are the kids who have no interest in attaching at all. These are the hardest. The only thing we can do is spend time with them and love them, but spending time with them is difficult because they really don’t want to, and loving them is even harder. We realized recently that when we think of what we can do to love somebody, we usually think of things that they would enjoy. But what do you do when the one you’re trying to love literally hates anything you do for them? It’s not a matter of finding the right thing – their whole concept of love is broken. The only thing we can do, that we know of, is to keep showing them love even though they hate it, and persevere and keep praying that it will break through to them someday.

This is what Jesus meant when he said to love our enemies. I think there are very few of us who really understand this, and I’m only beginning to. My kids are not my enemies, but sometimes in their mind I am theirs, and I still need to love them though they resent it. It just has to be the very hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

STATUS
Recently Read: Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman
Currently Reading: Ghost Force, Patrick Robinson
Writing: Tales of Dark Water, outlining (when I get the chance)
Last Played: Ghosts
A Word from Isaac: “Dadoo” (it means doggie)

*Thailand does education a little different. Standard education goes up to 9th grade. After that one can go to trade school, vocational school, or college. Here, “college” is different from “university” which is what we normally think of as post-high school education. Pan plans on going to university after three years of college so she can be a teacher.

A few weeks ago we took the family bowling for something special to do after what was kind of a hard day for us all emotionally. For Pan, Alaypa, Lutiya, and Isaac it was their first time and they really enjoyed. Alaypa was even playing in a cast, and he did pretty well. The second time we went was for Sean’s birthday last week where they got to hone their skills. Alaypa plays even better without a cast, and Pan is turning out to be a pretty consistent player. Well, at least as consistent as any of the rest of us. Isaac, of course, wanted to play too, and there’s plenty of pictures of his various attempts. View all the pictures here.

Cow or Frog. Those were our two choices for food last time we were up in mountains. When we showed up they had just killed a cow and had all it’s insides and other pieces spread out in front of the front door to the house. The cow was some of the tastiest beef I have ever had but the frogs I passed on. I’ll eat frog if it’s been BBQed over some nice hot coals. But they boiled them in soup so they were all soft. Not really a texture I enjoy. They gotta be crunchy not chewy. Wayland came and we were able to help dad rebuild the fence to keep the cows in and also carry big heavy bags of cow crap to be stored for fertilizer. At least we didn’t have to bag um. Thats a messy job but can be fun if you have a partner to fling it on.
Also the houses are doing very well. Today we just finished picking the paint color and the railing desing for the stairs. They have the ceiling and stucco finished on my house and tomarrow they will begin to put the floors down. The work is going along very fast and with out many delays. I think we should be able to move in around three months or so.
Click here to see more pics from the village. Or click here to see more pics of the house consturction. Or even here to see some cool pictures of Abigail.