Itsara

James talked about his struggle with the whole issue of Christian/non-Christian dating. A comment of mine turned out kinda long. I jokingly apologized for posting in his comment thread, but decided that it might be interesting here too. So here you go:

Here’s what I think. This is from my own theology, and from my own experience dating and consequently marrying a Christian. The cultural prohibition on Christian dating is not a hard and fast rule (I say “cultural prohibition” because it’s a rule that Christian culture has made based on an interpretation of the Biblical prohibition of being “yoked” to unbelievers - the Bible doesn’t say anything about dating).

However, I would say that it is a very good idea to avoid dating non-Christians. Actually before I say that I need to establish that my view on dating is that the whole point is to find someone to marry (if you disagree, or date differently, then what I say next may not apply). Assuming that, it follows that there’s no reason to date someone that you *know* you would have significant problems with down the line. Actually it’s dangerous to because of the human phenomenon of infatuation or “falling in love”. When the infatuation is over, you may wake up to find you have married someone that actually makes you a worse person, instead of a better one.

But it’s very hard to determine what you would have problems with down the line. Many seemingly big problems are actually quite dealable in a fully-committed relationship. Christianity *can* be one of them, but only if both people are fairly soft in their convictions. A person for whom Jesus Christ is the center, and for whom Christlikeness is the overarching goal, would find that life was very hard indeed if they married someone that thought these things were a nice hobby to have, rather than something to devote one’s life to.

Looking back, I now know that if I had dated, or later married, someone for whom Christ was not the center of their life, my life would have been either extremely difficult or would have slowly but surely slipped away from Christ. Cindy’s faith, which is honestly one of the very few things we have in common, drives and encourages me when I’m down. If I had married someone who thought that Christianity was fine for me, but not for her, that person would never, ever understand me. And while one human can never *truly* understand another, Cindy understands me more than any human on Earth precisely because the center of her life is also the center of mine. She encourages me towards the very goal I desire to reach, instead of merely tolerating it.

Wednesday’s post made me want to be more encouraging, and I do have an encouraging story to tell, even though it’s not mine. The other day, one of the volunteer couples here at Im Jai was sharing about their own struggles. I’m not sure of the details, but their church is going to support them less, or possibly not at all. The couple said that their church discussed it and has decided to focus their support on South America rather than Asia. Needless to say, the couple is worried.

One day, the wife of this couple was taking an evening walk with Tea. Tea is one of three boys that has joined Im Jai since we arrived. He is from Ladda’s village, actually. I don’t know what happened to his parents, but for his extended family in the village Tea was unwanted, unloved, and beaten frequently. Ladda was sad for him because when they came to pick him up, he was happy to get in the truck with people he had never met, if only because it could hardly be worse than what he had.

Anyway, this same boy surprised the wife of this couple when he looked up at the sky and said, “Auntie,* ever since I came to Im Jai, I know God is with me. Like when I look at the moon, it follows me wherever I go. And when I stop walking, the moon stops too. So I know God’s with me wherever I go.”

Of course I’m sure there’s a significant gap between what he told her in Thai, and what I’m telling you now in English, but the meaning is the same. When did I stop thinking like that? More importantly, why did I stop thinking like that?

*In Thai culture, older women are generally referred to as Auntie.

Mike and Shannon McMahon recently joined their lives together, and have now joined their blogs as well. In Mike’s words, “It’ll be honest talk about being married.” I think it’s awesome, and I’m glad they’re writing again (where I can read it), cuz they’ve both got a lot of wisdom in them.

Coming back has not been easy for me. We had a few days rest at our friend’s house before coming back to the guest house next to Im Jai. On Saturday we came back to Im Jai to see the kids for the first time since we came back. We discovered a couple of changes. Like there are three new Thai staff, two of which are already living at the new site with some of the more difficult kids. So it’s a little quieter (but not much). We got to see the kids in their new house, and they love it. It made me want to cry, seeing those kids in big bedrooms with a big house that was theirs - like a real home. The multipurpose building is going up fast too, and it’s huge.

So it felt great to see the kids on Saturday, and again at church on Sunday. I was actually feeling pretty good all the way up until Monday, when we had to start school and go back to work again.

I honestly thought that the commandment to not covet would never really apply to me. I’ve never really had a problem with wanting other people’s stuff, and I always thought of that commandment primarily as a material one. I’ve discovered though that I am suddenly coveting other people’s lives. In the States I saw many people making life decisions, most (if not all) of which are intended to make them happier. Then I wondered why I wasn’t happy - did I make a wrong decision? God has been reminding and encouraging me that I came out here originally for the same reason (to be happier). Actually, I came out here trusting that God knew best what would make me happy, or at least be worth doing, so I followed Him. Still, I struggle with thinking about other decisions I might have made that would make me happier.

It’s not just people in the States either. We went to visit some friends here in Thailand who have moved into a new house. They came out here to do more or less the same thing we’re doing, but God has not called them to be tied up with an existing ministry like Im Jai House. They’re on their own, doing what we sometimes wish we were doing. The thing is, I love Im Jai, but wouldn’t things be so much easier if we were in control and doing our own thing? There’s problems here, as there would be with any organization (even our own), but I’m in no position to change them here. I’m essentially perservering until things change.

But I trust God. Everytime I have said “yes” to him, he has proven himself faithful and I have found myself in a place I would have never imagined - happier and more fulfilled than I was before. It’s just really hard to remember that during transition times like this.

I apologize (yet again) for the mild incoherence of this post. I’m not in a mood, nor do I have the time, to write something more coherent and encouraging. On the other hand, if you’re aware of the bad times in our lives, it will make God’s blessings in the future that much more meaningful to you when we write about them. So I don’t regret it so much. Plus, it helps you to know how to pray.

Oh yeah, my computer’s been acting up too, and I’m always in a bad mood when my computer doesn’t work, and this time has the potential to be really bad (like replacing-the-hard-drive bad… oh, I hope not).

Wow so I am actually visiting America. It seams so weird. I mean last year I was visiting Thailand and now it’s all flipped the other way around. It’s actually pretty cool. Since being back I’ve learned all sorts of new things. I think I a finially beginning to relize how important my family is to me. I am also seeing that no matter where I go I am being takin care of. It’s kind of cool to see Gods provision in my life. At first I did have what they call reverse culture shock. But I seam to like it. If you take it the right way you can learn and see all kinds of things. It just gets hard not to judge everything. For a while I forgot I was an American. I guess being back here has reminded me of that. Sometimes I scare myself while looking in the mirror. “Oh man I’m white.” Sometimes it’s a real shocker. Being here I see how I have changed. I see what used to interest me doesn’t anymore. Going to the beach watching the waves was fun but I didn’t even think about going surfing. I just took a bunch of pictures like a tourist to bring back to my girlfriend. It’s seams weird to be a tourist in your own home area. Going to church was good and having people pray for me who knew me was comforting. It’s ben a real good trip but I am ready to go back to Thailand. A lot of it is my girl friend but a lot of it is it just feals like home their. Being back here staying at my old house in Ocean Beach seeing an Im Jai House picture still hanging on the fridge took me by surprise. “It’s still hanging,” I thought. Remembering that the last time I looked at it I was dreaming of what my move to Thailand would be like not knowing a single face in the picture. As I looked I now knew every little face looking back at me. It hit me hard and can’t wait to be back where God wants me.

Still home, but almost not. We leave San Diego Tuesday morning, and the United States on Wednesday. I actually have a lot that I want to write about, but I doubt I’ll have the time. Let’s start with what’s in my head at the moment. I can’t speak for Cindy or Sean, but I am definitely better off for having come. I guess that seems a strange thing to say - it should be obvious - but it’s important because of how I feel.

See, Steph asked me a really good question today. She said, “How do you feel about going back? No wait, what do you think about it?” (referring to the fact that I am a strong T according to Myers-Briggs). I liked how she put it because the answers to those two questions are entirely different. In all honesty, I feel like I want to stay here. It’s easy, it’s safe, it’s comfortable. But then all of that was true when I made the decision to move to Thailand too. In fact, nothing that went into that decision has changed, so my thinking leads me to trust the original decision (much as I said in the last post).

So it matters a lot to me that, even though I feel like I don’t want to go back, I am still better off for having come. The community that we have (partially) given up is amazing, not only in its love for us, but in the encouragement that it provides. I mean not only do I feel loved like a brother at Coast, but I also am incredibly encouraged to go back and continue in what I have been doing.

But keep praying. Pray for encouragement and perserverance for as long as it takes for for God to bring us to another home, like the one we have in San Diego (and Buena Park, and Cupertino). We need those prayers more than anything.

For the most part, being back in San Diego hasn’t been as difficult as I feared. Seeing people I haven’t seen for months is only weird for a second, then I feel almost like we never left. Going to church on Sunday was different. Worshipping with Coast was really good, and really hard because I realized what it is I gave up to live in Thailand. It was shaping up to be a pretty depressing morning, but God really spoke to me through the worship and then again through the teaching. I was reminded why I chose to do this, and more importantly who I’m doing it for.

The worship reminded me of how big God is, and how much more important (and wise) his plans are over my own. The teaching reminded me that this big God knows me. He knows what I gave up, and he in fact called me out of it. He is worthy of my trust - that’s the important thing. I also remembered that whatever hardships we might be going through are temporary. Whether they last 60 days or 60 years, they will end, and what comes next will be better than what I had.

So it was a good day. I haven’t had a Good Day like that in a long time, but I’m glad I got to have it. Thought it might be encouraging for some of you too.

I’ve seen ashes shine like chrome. Someday I’ll be home.