Fear and Decision-Making
I said I’d talk about this, though looking back at what little notes I have, I’ve realized that my thoughts were less organized on this topic than I thought. I’ll try to hit a couple main points, and I’ll probably talk about this again later. I suppose, if nothing else, this might help me to organize my thoughts a little more for the future.
I talked a little about fear a couple of months ago, and I still think that the Litany Against Fear is helpful to remember - even if it is a fictional litany created for a sci-fi series. I’ll repeat it here because… well, because it should be repeated:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
I have learned that fear determines the results of too many of our decisions, when in fact it should not be taken into account at all. If I don’t make sense for the rest of this post, then remember this: when making a decision, do not take fear into account. For example, if you are making a list of the pros and cons of some decision, after you are done cross out every pro or con that starts with (or might as well start with) “I am afraid…”.
I’ll give you an example. Last summer I was trying to decide if I wanted to do VLI (Vineyard’s 2-year, part-time seminary crash-course) before we moved to Thailand. Doing VLI would have meant staying here for 2 years (probably until 2007), and not doing VLI (the decision we made) meant leaving in the first half of 2005.
Now I don’t do lists of pros and cons (because they’re usually just mirror images of each other), so instead I’ll do a list of pros for VLI and pros for no VLI (this is based roughly on an actual list I made for this very decision):
| VLI before Thailand | Thailand immmediately |
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Based on the sheer quantity of the pros, and conventional wisdom, it would seem that taking the 2 extra years to do VLI and prepare for this big move would make the most sense. But a lot of these pros were written down based on fears that I had. One of the biggest fears was leaving our community and living alone in Thailand. Both Cindy and I had a hope that we could bring a small community with us. I was also afraid of not knowing the language. On our summer trip, I was often frustrated when I couldn’t communicate with the kids. On the other hand, we were both afraid of losing our fire for Thailand and growing comfortable in America again, thus losing the desire to move at all.
Before I cross things off this list though, I want to make a distinction between fears and legitimate concerns. Often the items I write down on these lists are both. For example, learning Thai before we move is a fear of mine, but it is also a legitimate concern. We can get around without Thai, but we don’t know how we’re going to teach the kids, or even get to know them, until we learn it. But I’m going to cross it off the list because it is based on a fear of mine, and that should not be the reason I make decisions. On the other hand, being equipped theologically could be based on fear, but I’m not going to cross it off. The reason is that, for me personally, this is not a fear. For all the things I am afraid of, I’m not worried that I “don’t know enough” to be a missionary. But at the same time it would be a definite advantage if I took the time to learn more.
Making the distinction between fearful reasons and legitimate ones is difficult. It requires a deep honesty with yourself and with God. Humanity is really, really good at justifying and rationalizing, and we need to learn how to stop it. Anyway, here’s the list without the pros that no longer count, because they were based on what I am afraid of:
| VLI before Thailand | Thailand immmediately |
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Now the lists are more objective, and I can think a little more clearly about the decision. Based on these lists, I would personally weight the pros on the right more heavily, since in my opinion the pros on the left are only “nice to have”s while those on the right seem more important. And so my decision is made, though admittedly with fear and trembling. I never said it was easy to follow-through on decisions made without fear. That’s where the part about facing my fear and letting it pass over me and through me becomes really important.
Adam, I sense you enjoy analyzing everything. However, a question I have is how do analysis and faith fit together? What I am thinking of is Peter when he by faith walked on the water, all was fine. Then when he began his analysis he took his eyes of Christ and the analysis revealed that he was in a storm walking on water and sank. I have always tried to live my Christian by listening to God and then following. Clearly there are times when it becomes necessary to lay out the options before Him and then let Him show you. My point is any analysis must be done with God in the equation, otherwise we too will sink.
Ah, my geekness has finally crossed the line. Yeah, I analyze things a lot, and what you say is definitely a valid point. We need to be careful in our analysis for sure.
In this particular case, I think my analysis is supporting my faith though. I realize my method of decision-making is probably more organized than most people, but I don’t think I’m over-analyzing. This is just how I handle tough decisions. But I completely take faith into account. That’s why “Requires more faith in God” is even a pro, and that’s why I went through the whole process of ignoring the points based on fear.
When I ignore my fears like this, rather than undermining my faith, it forces me to rely on it. Fear says, “Wait a while, learn more, prepare more, be ready.” Faith says, “Go, immediately.” It’s just that the way my mind works, I need to see it on paper in a list.
Does this mean I got my obsessive-compulsive organizational skills from Mom?
I think it’s possible to over-analyze to be sure. But I think that there’s also a time when we need to be aware of what our mind is telling us, so that we can “take every thought captive.” If Adam is weighing his thoughts, and recognizing that some are from fear, he can then discount those thoughts more easily. Reflection can be very helpful, but it must be practiced in moderation.
C.S. Lewis in effect lost his faith as a child because of too much introspection. He kept “monitoring” his prayers, to see if he was sufficiently sincere when he was praying. This led to him getting a fairly warped sense of Christianity. Later in life, he learned how to actually be “in the moment” instead of just “observing” the moment. For further reading on this subject, see Surprised by Joy by Lewis and The Most Reluctant Convert by David C. Downing.
-M
P.S. I tried to link those, but I think I did it wrong. Thanks, Preview Pane!
Yah you had to go w/ Dune did not you. It’s a great quote though and very apropriate. Yeshua is really proud of you.
p
Yes Adam, you have some of your mom’s personality. Years ago I taught a class on Spirit Filled Temperaments, not that I think those should drive our lives but understanding temperaments really provides some good insights. Mom is phlegmatic, which means she will analyze things things to see how she can minimize the effort required to accomplish the task. Remember your t-shirt with “Lazy Man” on the back? Same thing. How can I minimize effort. Me, I plunge in and find out later what to do. Is either way the more correct one? Phlegmatics are more efficient so that would say they are good stewards. Melancholy, like me, go forward in faith that would say they trust God implicitly. So who is better? It depends on how much God is the center of attention - “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you”. So the answer to the question is, not necessarily either one is better than the other. It is how we respond to those inherent personality traits God has given us under His guidance.
Thanks for these words Adam. I’ve had some fairly significant decisions to make in the recent past and your words have been in my brain during that time. So, praise be to God!
Hi! I came across this page as I was looking for some material regarding fear of decision making. I haven’t checked the rest of the website but this article as brought some light and freedom in. I will definetely look at your website in depth later on. Thanks. God bless you and your work! Love, Monica (your sister in Christ)