Itsara

Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

…

Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

The king’s voice was muffled by the giant doors in front of me, but I could still hear it booming. “Send in the next one,” I heard him say. The guards pushed the doors open smoothly, and I had to shield my eyes from the brightness of the room beyond. An attendant gestured impatiently that I should enter.

The king’s court stretched away on all sides. There must have been thousands of people present, all crowded around leaving only a narrow path empty between the throne and me. The crowds of nobles seemed like a vast sea of heads, bobbing up and aside, trying to see the newcomer - the one most recently summoned to receive the king’s judgment. I felt like Moses walking through the Red Sea, wondering if at any moment the spell would break and the waters come crashing down on me.

I had heard stories of others who came before me, though they often seemed to conflict with each other. For example, I had heard of those who claimed to have done good deeds in the king’s name, but he had said, “I don’t know you. Away with him!” Yet I had also heard of those who had claimed friendship with the king, but were told, “I was naked, starving, and dying, yet you did nothing for me. Away with him as well!” It can’t all be true, I thought, There must be a right answer.

It felt like a mile to the throne, though I admit I was in no hurry to arrive at the feet of the king. The faces of the nobles on either side were blank, like a jury of thousands. If they knew my fate, they would not reveal it to me. Still, I looked at them for some sign of hope. Or when I did not look at the nobles, I looked at my feet, pacing one deliberately before the other - I would look anywhere than at the king himself. Finally, I arrived at the steps before the throne. I stopped.

There was a moment of hushed silence, as the king let the echoes of my footfalls die in the vast chamber. Then he spoke, and his voice carried easily throughout the court, “Who are you? And what is your life that I should spare it and allow you to remain in my courts?”

I trembled to hear his voice. I could not think. All the responses I had prepared in my mind were gone. I dropped to my knees. Not low enough, I thought. I fell forward on my hands, and finally lay flat on the cold marble floor. I was sobbing. I had no answer for him.

To my surprise, I heard the king stand and begin walking down the steps towards me. As he did so, he asked, “Do you know why I have allowed these people here to remain in my court? To be a part of my kingdom?”

My voice trembled, “Because they have served well in your name, lord?”

“They all have done that, but that is not why.”

“Then because they claimed friendship and allegiance with you, trusting that your Sacrifice was for them?”

“They all have done that, but that is not why.”

I gave up. “Then I don’t know, my lord,” I said.

The king stopped, he was standing only inches from my outstretched hands. Yet I would not dare even look at his feet. “These men and women, everyone in this room, are my true friends - they claim my friendship and I claim theirs. Each one trusts me absolutely, and each one also serves me.”

My tears had subsided, and I felt more calm so I sat upon my knees, though I could not yet look at him. Still, I found the boldness to ask, “But, lord, I have heard stories of those who served you yet were told to leave.”

“Those stories are true,” he said, “They were content to be my subjects, not my friends. They thought that I required service of them. What they could not understand is that I do not need their service, for I already have everything I need. I do not even require it as evidence of one’s friendship to me, for I already know who my friends are. Those you speak of, whom I sent away, claimed to serve me, but were actually serving themselves, hoping to claim a place in my court as their right. But as the subjects of a king, they have no rights that I do not give them.”

“If you do not need our service, nor require it, some might ask,” for I desperately hoped this was not true of me, “why perform the services at all?”

“My friends do not ask such questions. Those who ask this do so because they do not wish to serve me, but only to do what is necessary to be in my kingdom. They have heard that I am a fair and gracious king, allowing those into my kingdom who had done nothing for me, even hated me. Like the others, they also thought they could claim a place in my court as their right, as if they could use my own words against me.

“Yet my kingdom would hold no pleasures for them, because all those in my kingdom serve constantly. They would become bitter and frustrated, so I leave them to their own will outside the kingdom, since what they really want is to be their own masters. My friends do what I ask of them, just as I do what they ask of me.”

I had no more questions. Neither of us spoke for some time, and then I remembered that my fate had not yet been decided. “I want to be your friend, lord, but there were times in your absence that I ignored your commands. Or other times I thought I was serving you, but now I see that I often did so for the praise of those around me, or to make myself feel worthy. I fear I don’t deserve to be your friend. I submit to your judgment.”

The room held its breath, or at least it seemed so. In any case, I certainly did. I thought I would black out before he finally answered. He spoke loudly to the others, “To each person in my kingdom, I had given authority over a portion of my kingdom until my return. All those in this court have cared for your portion, each in their own way according to my will, not for your glory, but for mine.

“And so, I have given each of you authority over an even greater portion of my kingdom, and also the glory that you did not seek.” The king said more softly, “And I give this also to you, my friend. For you have submitted your will to mine, and you have made no claims upon me, and the portion of my kingdom I entrusted to you has grown because of it.” I felt his warm hand softly touch my chin. “Rise, faithful servant, and claim your place among my people.”

Slowly I stood, and only through his touch did I find the strength to look at him. He was smiling. “Well done,” he said.