Itsara

I’ve been rappelling once in Tahoe. I had thought that the scariest part would be after I was over the edge looking at the sharp rocks hundreds of feet below me. Or maybe, going off my last post on fear, the scariest part would be the anticipation before I went over the edge.

As it turned out, the most frightening point for me was somewhere in between. The rope is tied to a rock or tree at the top of the cliff. Once you’re tied in, you keep the rope taut and walk backwards towards the cliff’s edge. At this point, all of your weight is on your own feet with very little on the rope. Slowly, you creep towards the edge, and as the angle of the ground beneath you gradiates from 0 to 90-degrees, you lean back and put more and more of your weight on the rope.

At some point, the gradiation of degrees becomes quite sharp, and you can no longer gradually put your weight on the rope but must do it all at once. At this point you have to put all your trust in the rope and jump, lowering yourself a few feet, so that when you hit the rock again it is with your feet instead of your shoulders or your head. This was the scariest part for me because I didn’t know when to make that jump. If I did it too soon, I’d smash against the rock. If I waited too late, my feet would slip and again I would smash against the rock. That’s what I thought, anyway.

Quitting my job at SAIC feels just like that point in rappelling. Fortunately, just like in rappelling, I have found that fear to be illusory. Once it has been faced, the fear is gone and there is nothing. At 10:00 this morning, I made that jump and put all my weight on The Rope. I have given them my two-weeks notice and as of February 1st I will officially be unemployed.

Did I mention that rappelling is also exhilirating?