Itsara

I’m not very emotional (in fact, just a few days ago Jamie said I was “one of the most even-keeled people” he knew), so those of you who saw me today might not have realized this, but today was actually a very hard day for me.

First of all, Jamie began his series on tough questions facing Christians with the current toughest question of all: Should Christians try to legislate their morality? I’ve got so many thoughts about this that could get me into trouble - you don’t even want to know. But the purpose of this blog is not politics or debate (I don’t know if I even have time to start another one devoted to those things, and honestly I don’t know where I would start anyway). That’s not what began my emotional day.

What made it hard was that Jamie started preaching about loving people - acting justly, loving mercy, walking humbly… and he spoke about what is perhaps the closest topic to his heart: the poor. So Jamie was extremely emotional this morning, and so was I because as a Church we run the risk of getting our way at the expense of loving the unloved. My heart was broken for the unloved this morning and torn because there was so much I wanted to say and I didn’t know how or to who. I wrote short pieces in my journal, and that will suffice for now, but I also realized that any real solution has to involve loving the unloved myself.

I have so much to say on the topic that even what was meant to be a single sentence (”It started with Jamie’s sermon”) turned into a barely-contained tirade. Maybe it didn’t seem barely-contained to you, but it is. Trust me.

What made the day harder was the Thailand meeting after church. Coast is doing another trip to Thailand at the end of June, and of course Jess, who’s leading the trip, wanted Cindy and I to be there. Part of the trip will be to visit us, work with us, support us and love us. It was just difficult to think about a time when seeing our friends would be a reunion instead of normality. On the plus side, I am really excited about the people that God is calling to Thailand this time, and I pray that He begins to call some of them long term (if not to Thailand, then at least to missions). I am especially excited for the people who have never gone on missions before.

The final difficult thing about today was a worship meeting we just had. Next Sunday is my last Sunday as the worship pastor, so we had a meeting tonight with the worship teams talking about the transition. It finally hit me tonight just how much I’m going to miss being the worship pastor and working with the awesome people at Coast. As they were praying for me, I began to think back on the two years I’ve been worship pastor. I remembered the worship meeting regarding the transition from Joel to me. I felt so small walking into Joel’s house, knowing I’d be taking over his job. I felt so insignificant as a worship leader compared to him.

The support I received from the worship community at that time blew me away. Every one of them prayed for me, loved me, and gave me their support as I humbly admitted that, while I knew how to lead worship, I didn’t know how to lead a band or pastor a community. One of them, as he was praying, said with the utmost confidence that God said I was the man for the job - the one He picked. I was not disappointed by their support in the next few months. They humored me while I tried to figure out how to lead a band and include people, or while I tried to pick up Joel’s vision for Circle - our psuedo-open-mic worship night. And they were always there for me when I needed them. Many of them still are.

God has taught me so much in the last two years, and I am much more confident as a pastor and a band leader than I ever was. More than that, God has been doing an amazing work through worship at Coast that He started before me and I pray He will continue long after. The worship community at Coast is simply huge, and their love for worship - in music, art, dance, spoken word, their hearts and their lives - is immeasurable. I can’t wait to see the things that come out of Coast Vineyard in the next few years, and I hope that they can help spread the spirit of worship that I’ve found there.

But most of all, I’m going to miss them.