Itsara

Today is Veteran’s Day, and every year I find myself wondering why my company does not get Veteran’s Day off as a holiday, especially when most of my bosses are veterans. If I were in charge, I’d give myself the day off. Maybe it says something about their commitment to work.

I find myself thinking about the other veterans I know. Except for my bosses and my brother, all the veterans I know live outside. They sleep in the parks, under the bridges, and on the riverbeds of San Diego. During the day they wander, or sleep because the cops are out at night. They find food where they can - America has an abundance of it, and doesn’t mind giving it to them as long as they go away quickly so they don’t scare the customers.

Most of the time they are invisible. Even when someone gives them money, it is more so the person can smile rather than that the veteran is fed. They reach their hand out of the car and stare forward as if hypnotized - perhaps not wishing to see the sun-scorched skin hanging from sockless feet, or hoping they won’t smell the halitosis - not hearing the weary-but-heartfelt “God bless you” - not seeing the eyes of a human being.

It’s okay. I do it too, when I even give money at all.

I wish I knew how they all got out there. I only know a few stories. Most of them became addicted to something and spent their lives in chasing it: booze, pot, heroine, horseracing, women, anger… Some were addicted when they came back from war. Some lost their jobs then their families then their homes and became addicted later - because that’s the only way to stay sane in a world that would rather you did not exist.

I wonder how some veterans became corporate moguls while others became derelicts. Was it the choices they made? Was it the society they came back to? Does it matter? As one who has suffered from addiction (not chemical, but addiction just the same), I know it is impossible to free oneself once one is trapped. “Why” is no longer important, only “how” - how do I get out? I only know one man who has ever been able to free people from addictions, and it isn’t me.