Itsara

We’re finally nearing the end. I apologize for the length of this story, but really only out of politeness. In all honesty, (a) you don’t have to read it and (b) if I can make even one person think more seriously about missions or doing something equally crazy for Jesus, I win.

In the time between deciding to do the scouting trip and actually doing it, Jamie, Cindy, and I separately met somewhere around 10-20 people who had some significant connection to Thailand - all randomly and completely out of the blue. Before we had even solidified our plans for the trip, no less than three people approached Cindy or I with the words “I hear you’re going to Thailand” on their lips, followed by a brief story of what they have been doing there and how they could help us. I met the pastor of a Vineyard in Honolulu who is sending a team to Chiang Mai this year. A Vineyard church in Idaho has been working there for some time already. We discovered that the Vineyard church in Anaheim was sending a team to help out a missionary church on the exact same dates that we were going to be there. I’m just giving you a vague overview - the actual occurrences were even more eerie. I’m sure some folks would try to pass these off as mere coincidences, but I’m just not that stupid. God was (and is) doing something in Thailand, and it was suddenly very exciting that we were going to be a part of it.

I’d like to be able to give you some concrete, irrefutable evidence from God when we were in Thailand that we were meant to stay. Though when I think of what “irrefutable” evidence might be, I can’t. There was a time when I wanted to believe in miracles, but felt I needed to see one in order to believe. But what did I expect? A voice from Heaven? A burning bush? A vision that left me inexplicably blind? Even these I imagine I could explain away if I wanted to. What I do have are circumstances, dreams, words, and feelings. I would almost never rely on any one of those, but when all four agree with each other (and with the Word, of course), I can no longer reasonably deny that God is speaking.

When we arrived in Thailand, even in Bangkok I felt comfortable and familiar. In fact, Chiang Mai felt to me the way Hong Kong did - mysteriously natural. And I had a feeling, more than once, that God was showing me Thailand and saying, “Here’s a wild and different land I’ve created - like nothing you’ve seen. I want you to share in it. I’m just so excited about what I’ve made and I wanted you to see it and be a part of it for a while.” On the other side, I had a feeling everytime we visited a Buddhist temple (there are a lot of them in Thailand) of an unexplainable oppression. I felt scared without knowing why or what I was scared of. There’s a power and a darkness there, and everytime I felt it I was reminded of why we were there.

One night, a few people were praying for me and one word in particular stuck with me. I was feeling afraid of all the changes that moving to Thailand would mean - I was doubting (that’s one thing fear does). Audrey said (from God), “Perfect love casts out fear, and I love you perfectly. Don’t you trust me?” It struck me - not in a guilt way; not because I didn’t trust Him. But because I did trust Him and yet was giving in to fear that wasn’t from Him. In the past, even the very recent past, God has challenged my fears in the same way by comparing them to what I know He has told me to do. To me, this was not only liberating - the move, and the problems that came with it, were His problems not mine - but it also confirmed what I already had guessed. That God was specifically calling us to this place.

I had two dreams during the trip that apply here. In the first, Cindy and I and a few others from our mission team were leading another team in Thailand. In the second, I was flying high above Thailand among scattered rainclouds and a light drizzle. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever dreamed about. I was in awe of the country He had brought us to.

Finally, there are the hard facts. We have land in Chiang Mai. Cindy’s aunt and uncle own a plot of land just outside the old city and are willing to give us a good price on it - and Cindy’s Dad has said he will pay that price in full. Also, Cindy’s cousin is an architect and is willing to help us design our orphanage (and we stayed in the house he designed - it was beautiful).

The decision to leave within a year was more difficult, but it was based mostly on the fact that there is no good reason to put it off. We want to go, God has called us to go, and the only things we could possibly stay for are more training or to save up money. And those things feel more to me like saying, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Or something like it. Like saying, “Okay, God, I’ll do what you ask, but let me do it my way.”

There’s so much that I haven’t told yet, or am glossing over, in the interest of keeping the story readable. I’d love to share more, and bits and pieces will probably come up in this log from time to time, but if you have any questions at all, or doubts about the stuff I’m talking about, or you just want to hear more about any particular thing then you are always welcome to talk to Cindy or me anytime. If nothing else, you can leave a comment here on the log - I read them all and I love to talk about this stuff.

Read Cindy’s version of the call.