Itsara

This is going to be a long story, because I’m going to give you more or less the whole thing. So I’ll split it into parts. In order to relate the full story of how this move came about, I’m going to have to take you all the way back to 1997 (cue “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It”) before Cindy and I started dating. At this point, we had told each other that we liked each other and were talking about whether or not we should even start dating.

Cindy and I had been friends for two years, and had been through relationships with other people in those two years. Before we even liked each other, we had talked a lot about relationships. In particular, we were both tired of the cycle of break-ups and we both wanted our next relationship to be our last one. That was before we liked each other, remember. So when we began talking about going out with each other, it was with the knowledge that, unless God somehow told us otherwise or there were some unforgivable incompatibility that we weren’t aware of yet, we would very likely get married. That was why it took us three weeks to decide if we were even going to date or not, and in that time Cindy asked me a question that was very important to her. She said, “If God calls me overseas to be a missionary, what will you do?”

Rewind for a second: Ever since highschool, Cindy had had a desire to run an orphanage somewhere – very likely overseas. I, on the other hand, had no desire to do missions at all since I first heard about it. Whenever someone in my church began to talk about missions I immediately tuned out, thinking that it wasn’t for me. I figured God might have plans for me, but I wasn’t going to be a missionary. But when Cindy asked me that question, I couldn’t just tune it out. I had to take it quite seriously. I think God has a way of making plans without consulting us, almost as if we didn’t know what was best for us – the very idea! So, with all the logic and good sense I was raised with (and only a small desire to give the “right answer” so I could date her), I said, “Well, if we’re married and God calls you somewhere and He hasn’t called me anywhere different, then I will go with you. Though ideally, if we’re married then He will call us both.”

And that was that for a while. Cindy and I started dating sometime after and life continued, but now I wasn’t ignoring missions. I paid attention because suddenly it was a very real possibility. Though I have to admit that a part of me hoped for the “typical suburbian life” that I grew up with. But like I said, God doesn’t consult me on these things.

Then the first call came. I was involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at UCSD, and at one of our large group meetings the summer’s global projects were announced. It’s odd that now I don’t remember them ever announcing these global projects before (this was my 3rd year with IVCF), but they probably did and I just tuned it out – I was pretty good at it, I guess. Regardless, this time I was listening. And for the first time ever, it actually sounded interesting to me.

But there was more than that. I had this feeling inside me – like my heart was beating faster and my stomach was tightening. I felt scared and excited at the same time, but I didn’t know why. It was like my body had made the decision to go without asking my brain for permission, and it was reacting with that nervous excitement that comes when you realize you’re really going to do something you never seriously thought you’d do. Like when you actually get engaged, or start trying to have a baby, or finally quit your job to chase after your dream. That was the feeling that gripped me before I was aware I had made a decision!

I couldn’t shake the feeling, and I knew what I had to do, so I went down to the front after the meeting and told my friend/staffer, Jeff Pearson, that I was going to go on one. Eventually I decided on the trip to China – I think I figured that if I was going to do this, and I was scared already, I might as well go all the way right? That was the first step. And God wasn’t kidding when He said His burden was light and easy – usually all He wants you to take is the first step and then He grabs your hand and you’re off running. You have to keep reminding yourself not to let go of His hand, but otherwise the journey is great because He’s there with you the whole time. And you start to wonder why that first step was so hard for you.

I’ll tell you more about the next part of that journey next time. Here’s the short version: China was a blast and then I got married :-)

Continue to Part 2.